Rad early-30's chick from just outside of Boston. Startup enthusiast, heavy lifter, comedy-nerd.
My alter-ego/fitblr is LisaMinus125 ♥
I’m terrible at taking criticism. This is my most immature trait. Criticism almost always puts me on the verge of tears.
I get really irritable when it’s PMS week. I try to be mindful, but sometimes I lose control - especially when I’m hungry or haven’t had coffee. Or worse, both of those things.
We were up at my boyfriend’s dad’s place and getting breakfast for ourselves. I think Paul kept getting in my way or bugging me about something and I crabbed at him. He said something about how he puts up with this or something like that and I casually said, “You can leave any time you want, buddy. Any time.” I didn’t think much of it, because in my hangry state I don’t think of much other than getting food and coffee, but this bothered Paul’s brother, Tim. Again, I didn’t notice that at the time.
So later on when Tim and I were alone in the living room, waiting for Paul and his dad to launch the boat, Tim says, “Lisa, can I respectfully just tell you about an observation I had?” I knew something bad was coming, but I said, “Sure.” He said, “I noticed the last couple of times you’ve been up here that you’ve responded really defensively to Paul and he’s just trying to help. I know you’re not a bitch and I know this isn’t like you. It’s upsetting to me.” I apologized and said that it’s been hard, living together and managing my depression. I spilled a few tears, ashamed of myself. Tim goes on to say, “Well, he’s just trying to find ways to make you happy because he loves you. I hope you have both found a way to be happy because I love you and I know what depression is like.” We were interrupted by Paul and Mr. Z coming in to tell us the boat was ready.
I dunno. I think I knew I was being shitty in the back of my head and in a normal state, it wouldn’t have even occurred to me to say something so harsh to Paul. When I have PMS symptoms, I become selfish and absorbed in myself, not really thinking about whether or not my words or actions hurt others. I’m just tired, irritable and want to curl up in a ball all by myself, seeing no one; doing nothing. It’s all self-preservation mode. I might need to bring this up to my doctor. This defensive, lashing-out behavior is reminiscent of my mother’s behavior. The last thing in the world that I want is to be anything like her.
Whenever I tell someone I’m child-free, I am likely to get a bullshit statement or question about 50% of the time.
So that last one bothers me on a couple of levels.
1. I’m 31 and my parents are getting old. They’re in their late 50’s. I can’t afford to take care of them. So who the hell will take care of them when they’re old? Not to mention, they have no retirement fund to speak of.
2. The answer is, I’ll pay to live in a retirement community where staff there will take care of me, because having a kid is no guarantee of elder care. Yeah, even if I had kids, they wouldn’t be able to put life on hold to change my diapers. They wouldn’t have infinite resources stashed away to care for me, let alone themselves or their own kids.
The real question is not who will care for me, but who will care about me?
Statistically speaking, it’s highly likely I’ll live longer than my spouse does. My friends will die too - not necessarily before me, but I’m sure a few will. I felt better when I realized that Paul has this really cool aunt and uncle. No kids, but they are youthful and fun, despite being close to our parents’ age. We genuinely enjoy their company and see them whenever we can.
So my answer to who will care about me as I’m withering away? Probably friends, probably nieces and nephews.
I took this today for an ask. Bellies love to spill over jeans. Thats how they roll.
I love this because having rolls doesn’t mean that you are fat. A lot of people have a hard time understanding this. Also if you sit with good posture your stomach will be flat.
Yea sometimes I see my gut hanging over my jeans when I’m bent and I remind myself it’s normal yaknow
thanks guys! i feel so much better about myself
We should all be thankful for skinrolls, because if our skin had to be tight enough to not form skin rolls when you bend over, your stomach would rip open in most cases. I don’t know about you, but I like to keep my insides on the inside of my stomach
I relate to this so strongly I got a little teary-eyed.
"Get off your ass and clean up after yourself or I’m leaving you. This apartment is a shithole and I’m not your mama."
I went to a family reunion this past weekend.
It’s hard recovering from EDNOS and trying to cure myself with crackpot ideas and holistic, unproven BS as-is.
I was strong enough to realize I couldn’t take this journey alone. I was too depressed and my health was declining too fast. I sought a doctor - not a naturopath, or coach or book. A real MD. I waited a few months for my intro appointment and I finally said it out loud. “I am anxious all the time and depressed. I feel hopeless and I think I might need to take antidepressants for a little while to keep me afloat.”
My dad was on this tirade about how you shouldn’t trust doctors, because he had one bad experience. Much of my belief system I just got done deconstructing came from him. So he makes it known that he looks down on antidepressants and those who take them. He says it’s all in my attitude and if I think positive, I can feel better. Anyone who says that and believes it has never been clinically-depressed. If I could think positively, I would. If I had the easy answer to snap out of it, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I don’t like being miserable and unmotivated.
And fuck it - I’m strong. I’m strong for admitting that I needed help before it was too late. I didn’t feel the urge to kill myself or harm myself, but who knows what would have happened if I let this fester for a few more months? I’m a badass for battling this thing and having that one glimmer of optimism left, saying, “There’s a way out. Life doesn’t have to be this way…”
I just want to say, I find it super-unfortunate that someone I knew the majority of my life decided to stop talking to me for lame reasons. The reasons? She became a born-again christian while I continue to support gay rights and live with my boyfriend out of wedlock.
I didn’t have a problem with her choice to become way more religious, if it made her happy. She had a problem with the choice I made to move in with the guy I love after waiting 4 years to do so. On top of that, the ideals I hold for gay people to be treated like human beings are the same ideals that motivated me to defend her from racist bullies when we were children. She didn’t seem to mind my stance on equality back then.
She was a pathological liar, but I was hoping she’d come around. I guess I’ll never know.